Because you probably wouldn't even believe the ludicrousness of the date itself, I'll hit the highlights with some dos and don'ts for dating:
- DON'T deride my musical taste: I'm sure at some point I could appreciate the deep, philosophical sentiments behind Blink182's masterpieces, so why can't you even try to understand why I like what I like?
- DON'T try to seduce me with your physical abnormalities: The fact that you lied about having all of your own hair is bad enough. Telling me that you have a bald spot with a mole that you've named after yourself that you sometimes play with is hardly the stuff to propel me to a lusty mood.
- DON'T make up a fake psychological condition to explain behavior that might be construed as forward: Saying that you have "idle hands syndrome" and that you sometimes just can't help touching me -- and then demonstrating that by touching my back -- is like claiming that you have Asberger's to explain away your cussing. Fortunately I think the elbow you almost took to your face drove this point home.
- DON'T use racially charged-words: Here's a hint -- if you have to look around to see if any African Americans are around, it's probably not an appropriate thing to say.
- DO ask me something about myself: Listening to you prattle on about yourself for five hours straight (with welcome distractions from the play we attended) is pretty boring.
On second thought, bring it on. Maybe I can write a book about my horrendous dating experiences and then sell the movie rights. I'll make sure you're played by Paul Reubens. Or Mel Gibson since you two seem to have a lot in common and he could use the work.
3 comments:
Wow, this is all from ONE date? Thank goodness for the play you attended. I hope that part was at least enjoyable due to helping you avoid listening to your date's prattling. Dating is just hard. Hang in there.
This has theater potential all over it. Broadway is waiting and heaven knows we could all use a good wallop of humor from your awesome perspective.
Give us more!
I'm dying to tell you about classroom etiquette at kooking school. Not as sexy as dating etiquette but you would not believe what students think is acceptable behavior.
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