Family dynamics are always interesting to observe. Every single group is a little bit different, with their own tribal customs and rituals. Friday night I got to observe the new beau's family in the wild.
Despite being absolutely terrified of meeting him, his son, his mom and dad, his sister, brother-in-law, niece and six random friends of the family, once I got there, everyone did their best to make me feel at home. Some of it was a little awkward (we were at a barbecue joint and everyone was trying to push meat at me, the vegetarian), but well-intentioned, none-the-less. And I somehow got seated between my beau and his son, which was really frightening, because his son's opinion matters more than anything else in the world. But even his son seemed to be trying to put me at ease by talking to me throughout the entire meal. (We totally bonded on gargoyles.) Anyway, what started out being the scariest thing in the world ended up being absolutely OK. More than OK. It was actually really fun. Because everyone acted like having me around was the most normal and coolest thing ever.
Contrast this with my family's reaction to this relationship. They're in denial, and being passive aggressive, are determined that if they just ignore the fact that we're dating, the relationship will go away. I heard from my sister-in-law that my sister and my Mom think I'm a complete idiot for even giving the new beau the time of day. This is based on the one or two times they met him almost 20 years ago. Yes, he broke my heart. Yes, he made some mistakes. But you know what? We were TOO young for the relationship to be viable at that time. (I shudder to think what would have happened if we HAD stayed together. ) So, they're tryng and succeeding somewhat in making me sad that I can't share my excitement about this new relationship with them. Because I know that if things go south, they'll throw anything and everything I share back into my face with an I Told You So. (Interestingly enough, I told my husband's sister about it, and she is overjoyed. Go figure.)
So, in the midst of all of this, I had a karate tournament. What a disaster that was. I'm not totally discouraged because I think there were a number of things working against me, but it certainly didn't turn out how I would have expected or hoped. Suffice it to say that I came in 4 out of 4 in my division. Knocked out (figuratively, not literally) in the first round. I did fight someone two belt ranks higher than me, who seemed to have a lot of tournament experience, so I guess that's something. And I did manage to score a few points on her. So it wasn't all terrible. Just not what I'd hoped for.
So I'd say I broke even on this weekend's events. The loss at the tournament was more than made up for by Friday night's family frivolities. I'm not counting my family into the equation because maybe if they can pretend this relationship isn't happening, I can pretend that they don't have an opinion about it.
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1 comment:
Can totally relate to the family opposing the beau thing - as my mother was dying of ALS and could no longer speak, she would write on a Magna Doodle toy not to have any contact with a beau of mine from 30 years ago. She didn't have dementia. She wasn't confused about what era we were in. She just didn't want to leave this world without cautioning me on this relationship AGAIN.
As to the tournament, good for you for giving it a shot. That was very brave and courageous. Here's a quote for you:
“To have real adventure, there has to be some uncertainty, some personal testing.”
– Max Miller, director, Middle East Travel Seminar
I'd say you passed the testing with true grit.
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