On Monday, I went to see "How to Train Your Dragon" with my 8-year-old niece and 6-year-old nephew. While the ending wraps everything up, it didn't have the typical Disney ending. The point of the movie that every decision you make has consequences, and I think that was a little traumatizing for the kids. Of course, they are pretty sheltered, so this is probably one of the first things they've seen that's had anything more sophisticated than muppets or princesses. (I'm not knocking any of those - I have The Muppet Movie soundtrack.)
It got me to thinking about my own childhood and how different my parents approach to movies and television was. From as early as I can remember, I was watching horror movies and extreme violence. The first drive-in movie I went to was "The House That Dripped Blood" and I couldn't have been more than 6. I watched "Dark Shadows" daily and I think I saw every Roger Corman movie that was ever made by the time I was 10. In fact, I went with my brothers to see "Jaws" in the theatre and that was in the 4th grade. So the dragon movie probably would have been a walk in the park for me.
That's not to say that my parents didn't have limits. Anything that was considered "sexy" was decidedly off limits. So I've never seen an episode of "The Dukes of Hazzard" or "Three's Company". I caught one episode of "Charlie's Angels" when I was babysitting.
Why the violence was OK, but the implied sex was not, I don't understand. I guess it's that crazy Southern conservatism. Sometimes I do wonder what they were thinking, especially since I couldn't sleep without a light on until I got married. Of course, now I have dogs. Anything that gets passed them -- supernatural or not -- is probably apocalyptic anyway.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Random Thoughts
I've been dealing with a diverse group of people lately -- between clients, vendors, co-workers, family members, friends, former prom dates, it's struck me that you can kinda tell a little bit about people from their perspectives on books, movies and music.
I have one client who is the biggest Metallica fan I've ever met. He's even talked his wife into having "Nothing Else Matters" played at his funeral. On the surface you might wonder what a 40-something is doing listening to Metallica, but really, it's something he's listened to since he was younger. He's just stayed true to his tastes.
My sister-in-law and I argue about the ending of Watchmen. Spoiler-ish if you haven't seen it yet. She thinks that Rorshach should have just kept his mouth shut. I understand why he couldn't. And that's the difference in our basic philosophies. She's OK with someone who knows more about the situation making the decisions. I want all of the information, so that I can decide for myself.
With respect to books, I've tried about 100 times to read James Joyce's Ulysses. And I give up after just a few pages. And now I think I've figured out why. I don't like failure, and if I can't make sense of the first 15 pages, I'm going to feel like an idiot when I get to the end of the book and still don't get it.
Probably nothing you haven't thought of before, but just some observations. Oh, and the name Trixter? Based on my cat, but I've since learned that there is a pagan god called a Trickster that likes to create alternate realities and play with people's minds. I don't even want to think about what that means. :)
I have one client who is the biggest Metallica fan I've ever met. He's even talked his wife into having "Nothing Else Matters" played at his funeral. On the surface you might wonder what a 40-something is doing listening to Metallica, but really, it's something he's listened to since he was younger. He's just stayed true to his tastes.
My sister-in-law and I argue about the ending of Watchmen. Spoiler-ish if you haven't seen it yet. She thinks that Rorshach should have just kept his mouth shut. I understand why he couldn't. And that's the difference in our basic philosophies. She's OK with someone who knows more about the situation making the decisions. I want all of the information, so that I can decide for myself.
With respect to books, I've tried about 100 times to read James Joyce's Ulysses. And I give up after just a few pages. And now I think I've figured out why. I don't like failure, and if I can't make sense of the first 15 pages, I'm going to feel like an idiot when I get to the end of the book and still don't get it.
Probably nothing you haven't thought of before, but just some observations. Oh, and the name Trixter? Based on my cat, but I've since learned that there is a pagan god called a Trickster that likes to create alternate realities and play with people's minds. I don't even want to think about what that means. :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Seven Dwarves
For some reason, during my senior year in high school I had a posse. There were seven of them, all sophomore guys who followed me around, so my friends affectionately dubbed them the Seven Dwarves. I'm not sure what their fascination was with me, unless it just that I was a senior and we all liked the same music.
We were all deeply, passionately in love with the 80s hair metal bands. If that means nothing to you, think Ratt, Rainbow, Europe, Dokken. And the Dwarves dressed the part. They all had long hair and wore band t-shirts and parachute pants. I ... didn't. I've written before about how I was not really part of any group in high school and the music thing was part of it. Most of the girls that listened to this type of music were stereotyped as slutty and they dressed the part as well. I had no intention of being categorized that well, so I just dressed pretty much the same way I dress now.
This weekend, through the magic of Facebook, I was reunited with one of the Dwarves. I also happened to go to prom with him and I think we dated for about a month as well. I don't think either of us were really that romantically interested in the other -- neither of us could remember exactly when or why we broke up. And if it was that unmemorable, it couldn't have been that big of a deal.
We talked for about two hours on Sunday night, and it was shocking to me how different our lives are. He still lives in Garland and actually works for GISD. He's a graphic designer, though, so that adds a little bit of the coolness factor that I remember from 26 years ago. He's got 13-year-old twins that live with him about half the time. His one social outlet is his Wednesday bowling night. He's got the ultra-conservative politics of the redneck town that is Garland. To be fair, though, he doesn't drink beer, so he can't be that much of a redneck as many of the kids I graduated with.
It was funny because he remembered really random things about hanging out with me. And when we tried to figure out exactly where we fit into the high school social strata, he was just as stumped as I was. Only one of the Dwarves really drank or smoked weed. They and I didn't have that much of an interest in it. Plus we were all broke and spent all of our money on music. In fact, the only thing I really remember us doing was going to music stores and listening to music in the car (usually mine, because I'm not sure any of them had their drivers' license) or at someone's house.
At one point during the phone call, he played a couple of songs on guitar for me. I hadn't even realized he was a musician. But his passion for music drove him to learn.
We ended our conversation with an open ended invitation to talk again. I doubt that it will happen because we just don't have that much to talk about. But I'm glad he contacted me. Sometimes I forget that there were good bits in high school. And the Seven Dwarves were definitely one of the best.
Update: Just heard from him again. One of the other Dwaves is in the Air Force and stationed in Japan for two years. It's so weird to think of these guys all grown up and doing important things. But hey, they probably think the same thing about me!
We were all deeply, passionately in love with the 80s hair metal bands. If that means nothing to you, think Ratt, Rainbow, Europe, Dokken. And the Dwarves dressed the part. They all had long hair and wore band t-shirts and parachute pants. I ... didn't. I've written before about how I was not really part of any group in high school and the music thing was part of it. Most of the girls that listened to this type of music were stereotyped as slutty and they dressed the part as well. I had no intention of being categorized that well, so I just dressed pretty much the same way I dress now.
This weekend, through the magic of Facebook, I was reunited with one of the Dwarves. I also happened to go to prom with him and I think we dated for about a month as well. I don't think either of us were really that romantically interested in the other -- neither of us could remember exactly when or why we broke up. And if it was that unmemorable, it couldn't have been that big of a deal.
We talked for about two hours on Sunday night, and it was shocking to me how different our lives are. He still lives in Garland and actually works for GISD. He's a graphic designer, though, so that adds a little bit of the coolness factor that I remember from 26 years ago. He's got 13-year-old twins that live with him about half the time. His one social outlet is his Wednesday bowling night. He's got the ultra-conservative politics of the redneck town that is Garland. To be fair, though, he doesn't drink beer, so he can't be that much of a redneck as many of the kids I graduated with.
It was funny because he remembered really random things about hanging out with me. And when we tried to figure out exactly where we fit into the high school social strata, he was just as stumped as I was. Only one of the Dwarves really drank or smoked weed. They and I didn't have that much of an interest in it. Plus we were all broke and spent all of our money on music. In fact, the only thing I really remember us doing was going to music stores and listening to music in the car (usually mine, because I'm not sure any of them had their drivers' license) or at someone's house.
At one point during the phone call, he played a couple of songs on guitar for me. I hadn't even realized he was a musician. But his passion for music drove him to learn.
We ended our conversation with an open ended invitation to talk again. I doubt that it will happen because we just don't have that much to talk about. But I'm glad he contacted me. Sometimes I forget that there were good bits in high school. And the Seven Dwarves were definitely one of the best.
Update: Just heard from him again. One of the other Dwaves is in the Air Force and stationed in Japan for two years. It's so weird to think of these guys all grown up and doing important things. But hey, they probably think the same thing about me!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Incompatibility
Date update: I did go out with the previously mentioned guy again and decided that it was time to move on. I sent him an email yesterday and was surprised by how hard it was and how sad I was to do it.
The reason? There's nothing wrong with him and I didn't want him to think that I thought there was. (Parse that sentence!) I mean apart from the slight resemblence to Ben Linus/Rorshach (I seriously wanted him to growl "All the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us" and I'll whisper "No"), he's not a bad-looking guy. He's employed, has his own apartment in a nice part of town and actually finished school. He seems like a genuinely nice guy who is interested in a serious relationship and would totally treat his partner with respect.
But, I just couldn't get past the fact that we don't really have anything in common. His idea of a good time is wearing his Democrat t-shirt to a gun show. I'm apolitical. (And before anyone takes this the wrong way, I care deeply about the issues, but I think politicians are a bunch of corrupt, egotistical jerks that are in it for the fame.) I love to be outdoors. He ... works a lot. I love to read. He ... works a lot. At work, we drink rum in Friday afternoon meetings. He doesn't drink period.
Would it have made a difference if he looked like Johnny Depp? Possibly for a few dates. But in the long run, he would have kept giving me odd looks when I ordered wine (seriously -- it was like OMG, she's drinking a chardonnay. She must be an Alcoholic!!) And I would be wanting to listen to Metallica in the car, while he's insisting on something country. And I would never, ever find out how Lost ends.
The reason? There's nothing wrong with him and I didn't want him to think that I thought there was. (Parse that sentence!) I mean apart from the slight resemblence to Ben Linus/Rorshach (I seriously wanted him to growl "All the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us" and I'll whisper "No"), he's not a bad-looking guy. He's employed, has his own apartment in a nice part of town and actually finished school. He seems like a genuinely nice guy who is interested in a serious relationship and would totally treat his partner with respect.
But, I just couldn't get past the fact that we don't really have anything in common. His idea of a good time is wearing his Democrat t-shirt to a gun show. I'm apolitical. (And before anyone takes this the wrong way, I care deeply about the issues, but I think politicians are a bunch of corrupt, egotistical jerks that are in it for the fame.) I love to be outdoors. He ... works a lot. I love to read. He ... works a lot. At work, we drink rum in Friday afternoon meetings. He doesn't drink period.
Would it have made a difference if he looked like Johnny Depp? Possibly for a few dates. But in the long run, he would have kept giving me odd looks when I ordered wine (seriously -- it was like OMG, she's drinking a chardonnay. She must be an Alcoholic!!) And I would be wanting to listen to Metallica in the car, while he's insisting on something country. And I would never, ever find out how Lost ends.
Monday, March 15, 2010
So I'm trying not to be so antisocial and actually try to date. Which is turning out to be quite humorous. Most of the people who indicate any interest whatsoever are completely logistically impossible -- they are either 24 or in Singapore or Brazil. Then there was one guy who seemed kind of like a good fit until he started emailing me every hour on the hour about some historical event that occurred on the day. Needless to say, I blocked him.
I finally started emailing with someone who didn't seem like a complete idiot and so I agreed to meet him for coffee last night. And I'm still not sure what I think about him.
First of all, his pictures don't look anything like him. In the photos, he appears to have dark hair. In person, he has red hair or at least reddish blond. He's sort of a cross between Ben Linus from Lost and Rorshach without the mask. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but not really my type.
Secondly, he announced about 30 minutes into the date that he doesn't drink. I'm not sure that bodes well for any long term relationship. First of all, I like my wine and mojitos and I have no intention of giving those up. Secondly, if he's actually AA or something, there's typically a lot of baggage associated with that the I don't want to deal with. I've dated an addict before and it's not fun.
Finally, well, I was just kind of bored. In fairness, I'm not 100% sure that was his fault. I have a pretty limited attention span and we were basically sitting at a Starbucks for two hours. I don't know that anyone is interesting enough for that NOT to get boring. But after about the first hour, all I could think of was an urgent desire to go home and re-watch True Blood. (I've been reading some hilarious recaps online.)
So I spent about two hours with this guy and I still don't really know much about him. He regaled me with tales of being an HR manager and recounted some stories from his childhood. But I don't feel like I know enough about who he is as a human to completely discount him, and I too inexperienced with dating to know if I'm expecting too much from a first date.
Should there be sparks? Should I be enraptured with his conversation? Or is this just how two people get to know each other? And why, oh why, do I get Ben Linus instead of Eddie Blake?
I finally started emailing with someone who didn't seem like a complete idiot and so I agreed to meet him for coffee last night. And I'm still not sure what I think about him.
First of all, his pictures don't look anything like him. In the photos, he appears to have dark hair. In person, he has red hair or at least reddish blond. He's sort of a cross between Ben Linus from Lost and Rorshach without the mask. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but not really my type.
Secondly, he announced about 30 minutes into the date that he doesn't drink. I'm not sure that bodes well for any long term relationship. First of all, I like my wine and mojitos and I have no intention of giving those up. Secondly, if he's actually AA or something, there's typically a lot of baggage associated with that the I don't want to deal with. I've dated an addict before and it's not fun.
Finally, well, I was just kind of bored. In fairness, I'm not 100% sure that was his fault. I have a pretty limited attention span and we were basically sitting at a Starbucks for two hours. I don't know that anyone is interesting enough for that NOT to get boring. But after about the first hour, all I could think of was an urgent desire to go home and re-watch True Blood. (I've been reading some hilarious recaps online.)
So I spent about two hours with this guy and I still don't really know much about him. He regaled me with tales of being an HR manager and recounted some stories from his childhood. But I don't feel like I know enough about who he is as a human to completely discount him, and I too inexperienced with dating to know if I'm expecting too much from a first date.
Should there be sparks? Should I be enraptured with his conversation? Or is this just how two people get to know each other? And why, oh why, do I get Ben Linus instead of Eddie Blake?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Bringing Back Reality
Lately I've been criticized for not thinking big enough and being the wet blanket that quashes everyone's brilliant plans. While this may be true, my perception is that I'm the only realistic one who actually thinks through the logistics. And some things just can't be done.
Part of the issue is that I'm in advertising for pharmaceuticals, so there are legal restrictions everywhere. My particular client is absolutely paranoid about anything involving personal information, so all of those clever applications and gadgets are right out the window. And one of my bosses is big on personalizing things -- how can we ever do that if we can't use personal information?
Of course, when I bring this up, I get accused of not being able to think beyond Web sites. I just need to know where the line is between realism and pessimism.
Part of the issue is that I'm in advertising for pharmaceuticals, so there are legal restrictions everywhere. My particular client is absolutely paranoid about anything involving personal information, so all of those clever applications and gadgets are right out the window. And one of my bosses is big on personalizing things -- how can we ever do that if we can't use personal information?
Of course, when I bring this up, I get accused of not being able to think beyond Web sites. I just need to know where the line is between realism and pessimism.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Lessons Learned
I haven't posted much lately, because I've been in a bit of a funk, and nobody wants to read about that. I don't mind being self-refelctive though. So, because I've been accused of being a Pollyanna, I'm going to try to find the positive through some lessons that I've learned:
1.) Tigers don't change their stripes and if they insist that they have, demand proof that it's not a dye job. I'm not saying people can't change, but they have to really want to, and then it's probably going to be a real effort to maintain it. And most people (including me) don't have that much energy.
The corollary to this is that no matter how badly you want to believe it, you can't make other people change. You can't force emotions where they don't exist.
2.) Whatever wrongs you think other people have done to you, you've probably done the same things or worse to them or someone else, a lot of times when you didn't even mean to. It's time to forgive -- yourself and them.
3.) The joy in life comes in small things. Dennis Leary made a comment about this years ago -- that expecting continual happiness just isn't realistic. Things aren't always going to turn out the way you want, so just enjoy what you can. Yesterday, I managed to squeeze both Skid Row and Robert Johnson into a conversation. No, it didn't make up for the two-hour flight delay, but it made a couple of people (including me) smile.
4.) No matter how bad you think your life sucks, there is someone probably right next to you who has it worse. So have some compassion for others, put on your big girl panties and get over it.
None of this is new, but sometimes I just need to remind myself and if it's helpful to anyone else, then that's a bonus.
1.) Tigers don't change their stripes and if they insist that they have, demand proof that it's not a dye job. I'm not saying people can't change, but they have to really want to, and then it's probably going to be a real effort to maintain it. And most people (including me) don't have that much energy.
The corollary to this is that no matter how badly you want to believe it, you can't make other people change. You can't force emotions where they don't exist.
2.) Whatever wrongs you think other people have done to you, you've probably done the same things or worse to them or someone else, a lot of times when you didn't even mean to. It's time to forgive -- yourself and them.
3.) The joy in life comes in small things. Dennis Leary made a comment about this years ago -- that expecting continual happiness just isn't realistic. Things aren't always going to turn out the way you want, so just enjoy what you can. Yesterday, I managed to squeeze both Skid Row and Robert Johnson into a conversation. No, it didn't make up for the two-hour flight delay, but it made a couple of people (including me) smile.
4.) No matter how bad you think your life sucks, there is someone probably right next to you who has it worse. So have some compassion for others, put on your big girl panties and get over it.
None of this is new, but sometimes I just need to remind myself and if it's helpful to anyone else, then that's a bonus.
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